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Here are laws 11-20 of my “31 Refutably Irrefutable Laws of Lame Leadership.” Find the first ten here.
11. The Law of the Trendy Tongue – Constantly use “buzz words” and “insider lingo” to motivate and inspire your team. If you read it in a new book or magazine article, be sure to use it again and again. That way, you’ll be able to shift the paradigm for a more relevant synergy, or whatever…
12. The Law of the Side Swipe – This law is also known as the “law of the big slam,” or “punch in the gut.” If you really want to be a lame leader, save it all for the “annual review.” Allow your team to make mistakes and get off track throughout the year, without any course corrections along the way. Then spring a long list on them at the “annual review.” This way you will catch them off guard, causing them to be slightly flustered as they try to defend themselves.
13. The Law of the Sensitive Dictator – Take personally any challenges to your leadership. Blacklist as “disloyal” anyone who questions your decisions or strategy.
14. The Law of the “Fire, Ready, Aim Rabbit” – Always make decisions quickly. Don’t analyze anything; just go with your gut. Do not fear making a series of bad decisions. Instead, feel confident in your leadership abilities because no one can accuse you of being indecisive. Keep your finger on the trigger, and look for opportunities to shoot.
15. The Law of the “Studious Turtle” – Always make decisions slowly. Analyze and analyze. Get everyone’s opinion and input. Consider all factors and every possible scenario before making a decision. Form a committee to study it.
16. The Law of the Blank Stare – Never make decisions. Do not be proactive. Wait for things to work themselves out on their own. Eventually react to whatever happens.
17. The Law of the Weasel – Apologize for everything that you do.
18. The Law of the Broken Mirror – Never apologize for anything that you do.
19. The Law of the Super Hero – Have a secret identity. Be sure that the “public you” and the “private you” have a huge disparity between them. Turn on “the voice” in public settings and speaking opportunities. Work on the stage face, also.
20. The Law of the Fluff – Exaggerate and adjust the facts and needs in order to support whatever you want to do. Present these in a way that supports your case, whether they really support your case or not. For example, “This glass is really full at 8 ounces. We need a bigger glass.” Or, about the same glass, “This glass has a capacity of 10 ounces. It’s huge. Let’s fill it with Root beer.” It all depends on whether you want a bigger glass or a lot of root beer. Fluff it accordingly.
Pretty irrefutable, I tell you. But feel free to nicely refute as necessary in the comments. 🙂